


The Center of Gravity

by versus_versus



Series: Year after Year Vignettes [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Hux overthinks everything, Insecurity, M/M, Surprises, seriously though I'm not tagging the surprise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 10:44:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10013735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/versus_versus/pseuds/versus_versus
Summary: "We need to talk" might be the most anxiety-inducing phrase known to mankind.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [betweenheroesandvillains](https://archiveofourown.org/users/betweenheroesandvillains/gifts).



> This was originally a spinoff of [Different Forms of Combat](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5819314/chapters/13410979) and technically, it still is. There's a 10 year gap in the middle, and there are a number of short pieces I may eventually write to fill the void. For now, though, this is where it stands.
> 
> For betweenheroesandvillains. I'm absolutely not going for your soft spots.  
> Happy birthday hon <3

Three weeks before his thirty-third birthday, Hux is out of the state at a conference. It’s nothing out of the ordinary. In fact, it reeks of ordinary. That is, until he’s walking into another meeting and trying to wrap up a conversation with Kylo on the phone.

“I’m sorry, I need to get going, I’ve got a meeting in five…”

“Alright, but we need to talk.” His tone is carefully level. Hux can hear it in his voice, and it throws him off.

“What?”

“I can’t talk about it now, not here, and I know you’re busy, but we need to sit down and talk when you get back.”

“Al...alright?” He can feel his blood pressure ratchet up a notch, a deep dread of whatever it is Kylo wants to talk about. “What’s this about?”

“I’d really rather talk about it face to face. Don’t worry about it for now.”

Of course, that’s not how it goes. You tell someone not to worry about something, _of course_ they’re going to worry about it.

* * *

It takes two days for the feeling of impending doom to overtake him, two days of trying to call Kylo and getting nothing but voicemail. The conference is going better than expected, and he finds the other two commissioners have things more than covered. Marilyn notes that he seems rattled, and the moment she hears he’s got some issues going on at home, she practically shoos him out the door.

The long drive home does nothing to settle him, and he still can’t get ahold of Kylo. He can taste bile, and while his head says he’s overreacting, his heart tells him something very different. Kylo’s tone had seemed carefully detached on the phone, and the back of Hux’s mind screams _wrong wrong wrong._

He walks through the door with a sense of dread. Whatever it is, something has changed, he knows it has. Ten years together and Kylo has decided they’re not right for each other, that their applications and appointments were all wrong, that he doesn’t want this and everything’s gone horribly wrong and…

The house is empty. The lights are off, nobody home. He walks through their small three-bedroom, cataloguing everything in his head, searching for some sort of confirmation that what he suspects is true. Kitchen. Family room. Bedroom. Office.

The door to the spare bedroom is open. Kylo hadn’t slept in there in years and it had served as a sort of makeshift storage room for the last of the boxes they had never managed to unpack when they’d moved, most of the stuff in them Kylo’s. It served as a guest bedroom when someone came to visit, and three years before, they had held the hope that someday it might serve as a child’s bedroom, if everything went right and they had the opportunity to adopt. After the home study, though, their profile had been prepared and they’d heard nothing more. Hope had eventually fallen through, and now the bedroom door hangs open and the boxes have been cleared out. 

It’s a sickening confirmation that his suspicion had been right. That Kylo is taking his stuff and moving out, that something, anything, will be better than a husband who works constantly and travels half the time and dreams of a family that will never exist.

He bites down on the gut-wrenching sense of despair and sits down on the floor as hot tears threaten to well up against his will. 

It takes him about twenty minutes to pull himself back together. It’s not real. He’s overreacting. What logical reason would Kylo have to leave? He wracks his mind for one, and comes up with half a dozen, most of them pertaining to the way they’d grown rather more distant as their hope for a family had crumbled.

When he’s had enough of self-loathing and misery, he forces himself back to his feet and goes through the motions. He showers. He unpacks his small suitcase. It’s mechanical. He vaguely wonders what he’s going to tell the Director, and what it will be like working with her, even distantly, if her son files for divorce.

He hears the front door open through a bit of a haze, and he’s not ready for this, no matter how much he tries to brace himself, he still can’t wrap his head around the thought that Kylo is about to leave him and…

“Hux? You’re home!” Kylo’s enthusiasm is disorienting as he catches him from behind in a hug, hooking his chin over his shoulder. “I thought you would be gone for another two days!”

“Look, if you wanted to be-” the words _moved out_ die in his mouth as Kylo releases him, spins him around, and kisses him full on the mouth. It feels like it’s been months, and Hux still can’t wrap his head around it all, so he simply falls into the familiar and kisses him back.

“I was going to try and get a few more things done before you got back and then make a nice dinner or something, but it doesn’t matter. We’ll go out, it’ll work. I’m going to call to try and get a reservation, how about Rasika?”

It takes Hux seconds to run the numbers in his head and guess the price of a meal at one of his favorite restaurants. He stares at Kylo. “What??”

“Compass Rose?”

“I...sure?” He’s floundering, he has no idea what’s going on. Minutes before he’d been convinced that Kylo was trying to find a nice way to leave him, and now they’re going out? On a date?

Now that he thinks of it, he can’t remember the last time they went out on a date, just the two of them. When they go out, it always seems to be with friends or with Leia, and most of the time when Kylo wants to do something special, he cooks at home.

It sounds...nice. Dinner where they can both relax.

“I’ll see if I can reserve a table and go shower, we can head out as soon as you’re ready to go?” he’s pecked on the cheek and Kylo lets go, making for the bathroom.

He can’t deal with this. He feels like he’s drowning, and he doesn’t even understand why.

“Kylo.”

“Hm?”

“What’s going on?”

“It’s a surprise,” he says with a smile.

“Is this what you...said you wanted to sit down and talk about? On the phone?”

“Yeah, of course, I…” Kylo must see something in his expression, and he stops. “What’s wrong?”

Hux is torn between wanting to smack him and kiss him. He lets out a nervous laugh instead. “Nothing, I just. I don’t know.”

Kylo looks at him a long moment and then puts two and two together. “You were worried.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s nothing to be worried about, I promise. And I’m sorry, that’s not...if I’d been thinking, I’d have said something to tell you it was nothing to be worried about.”

Something in Hux’s chest he didn’t even know had been wound tight relaxes as Kylo disappears to go shower. They’d gotten exponentially better at communicating over the years, but it only serves to make their moments of miscommunication much more confusing.

Kylo pops his head back in through the door. “Will you at least be home for a couple of days?”

“I should be?” Clearly Kylo isn’t leaving him. Maybe he’s got a new client? Hux can’t remember the last time he’d seen him so happy about something, although he can’t imagine things going better for him than they had in the past few years. Kylo had been making so much on side jobs airbrushing that he’d quit most mechanical work years before, and even working full time he had a wait list a mile long. Hux stares at him. A new opportunity’s come up?

“Good.” And Kylo’s gone again.

* * *

Hux feels like he floats along in a daze. They’ve been sitting at the table for twenty minutes before his mind clears again

“What’s going on?”

Kylo hesitates, but he gives in, reaching into his jacket and pulling out an envelope. “I was going to wait until after dinner, but. Uhm. No time like the present, I guess?”

The envelope is thick and feels like it’s full of sheets of paper, folded in half.

“There was a call, while you were gone. Amy offered to call you herself, but I wanted to be the one to tell you. I had it all planned out, but...you know. Best made plans and all.”

It clicks.

Hux can practically feel his heart skip a beat before it goes haywire.

And before he can think it through he’s _ripped_ the envelope open and he’s trying to read the first page of the placement form through a blur and oh, hell, he’s crying into what’s left of his lamb kefta.

“Oh.” That’s all he gets out before he chokes on whatever words he was going to say and he’s trying very hard not to sob because they’re in public but this is not how he thought this evening was going to go, he’d been bracing himself for the worst and this is the best thing that could have happened. “Oh my god.”

“Her name’s Luka.” He looks up and Kylo is grinning, he couldn’t possibly smile any wider or his face would crack in two and it all feels so sudden and it’s a good thing his napkin is clean because otherwise there would be lamb sauce in his eyes. “They’ve got her in a short term foster home for now, but the court has set a date for her for permanent assignment.”

“How old?”

“Nine.” Kylo looks nervous, but it’s not enough to overwhelm the light in his eyes. “I know it’s older than we originally considered, but she’s been in and out of foster care for years and Amy was looking at our profile again and…”

“No, no, nine is perfect.” Hux wipes his eyes again and takes a deep breath. “It’ll all be…” _perfect_ doesn’t make it out of his mouth. The reality of adopting an older child is far from perfect, and he knows that. They’d talked about it, and when they’d originally filled out the APQ they’d said they were willing to adopt before the child hit grade school. The complexities of trying to get a child up to grade level when they’d fallen behind...it was more than they’d thought they could handle at the time. Over time, they’d reconsidered and decided they’d be willing to adopt older, although after enough time passed without a call, they’d both stopped bringing it up. It hurt too much to think about why they weren’t being selected. “It’ll all work out. We’ll make it work.”

The rest of dinner is a cheery affair, and every time Hux looks at the envelope he feels his face burn and he is absolutely not going to start crying again. Kylo gets up to go to the bathroom and once alone at the table, Hux opens the folded papers up again. 

There’s a gentle hand on his shoulder and he turns to find the older woman from the table next to him looking at him with concern. “Are you alright, dear?”

He can’t help but smile. “We’ve received notice of adoption placement.”

She bubbles over with enthusiasm and what appears to be genuine happiness for them, chattering about her own children and grandchildren, but the man across the table from her shoots him a dirty look and grumbles something about ‘the gays’. There’s a thump as their table jumps and his face crumples, and Hux very nearly laughs as she pretends nothing has happened. “I wish you the absolute best of luck, it’s so good of you to take a child in that isn’t your own.”

And that...stings, just a little bit, but Hux accepts it as gracefully as he can, knowing she means well. 

* * *

Back home, Kylo sends him a copy of Luka’s file and he pulls it up on his tablet, settling on their bed to start reading up on her. The pictures of her are cute, but her profile isn’t quite as kind. She’s been in and out of a variety of foster homes, interspersed with brief stints of living with her mother. The file says her mother is now serving time, and her sentence won’t be up til long after Luka’s come of age. There’s no father in the picture and no family listed.

There’s no medical history listed, and there won’t be, not until they’ve signed the preliminary disclosure forms. Her educational history is more telling; she’s below grade level in most subjects, listed as ‘disruptive in the classroom’, diagnosed with ADHD, and suspended twice for getting in fights. 

His worry must show on his face, and Kylo speaks up. “It’s going to be a challenge. She’s been through alot, and they haven’t found a foster home that’s lasted more than a year, even when she wasn’t in her mother’s custody. She wasn’t great with other kids.”

“Do you...do you really think we’re up to that kind of challenge?”

“I think we’re better for the job than a lot of people.”

“But are we going to be _good enough_?” It’s hard to remember he’d been incandescently happy only hours before, and now he’s already worried again. “She needs so much help to get back on track.”

“She needs _stability_.” Kylo’s voice is steady and he pulls Hux close and curls around him. “Remind you of someone?”

“Yeah. And that someone turned out pretty well.” He continues looking through the file, forcing himself to breathe and relax each time he tenses with worry.

Kylo helps, running a hand through his hair, resting his face on his back, and simply touching him to keep him grounded. “I do have one request, though.” 

“Shoot.” 

“I’d like you to see if you can get increased flexibility to work remotely.” 

He smiles. “You know, I think I can do that.” 

“I’ll even put in a good word with your boss.”

Hux snorts. “Somehow, I have the sneaking suspicion she’ll be inclined to grant my request.”

“She’s going to be a grandma. We’re never going to hear the end of it.”


End file.
